Splashing out at Switzerland's Aquaparc

After a family car journey obviously dreamt up by a sadistic and hungover scriptwriter from The Simpsons, it was a relief to finally reach Aquaparc in Le Bouveret not far from Montreux on the eastern end of Lake Geneva.

Expecting a queue from the Louvre in high-summer, immediate entry came as a pleasant surprise. Was Aquaparc another victim of the recession? Apparently not, marketing man, Damien Fulbert, told Swisster. “The 2009 crisis had not been a problem however this winter’s weather was more adapted to ski resort activities,” he said. "Our peak time is during vacations and particularly during summer.”

Friendly staff process your online tickets and hand you an electronic wristwatch affair in exchange, to which you’re required to add a cash sum to take care of sustenance (60 francs wasn’t quite enough). The device also indicates and controls your locker and returns unused cash at the end.

Figure in around 200 francs for a family day out (four person) at Aquaparc, more if you’re a soft touch for con-artist kids – a gift shop full of enticing underwater gadgets and sweets guards the way to the changing rooms.

After a quick shower you’re in. At first it’s bewildering – everyone else seems to know what they’re doing while the uninitiated are left to fend for themselves.

A relaxing float on a one-way moat seems safest to try first, though the ride is subject to ambush by water cannon from the centrally based pirate ship. The current is deceptively strong in some areas and lifeguards are stationed reassuringly around the complex.

“Lifeguards are always hired with B1 diplomas and regularly trained during the year by our instructor (B2). Every 2 years, they have to renew their diploma,” said Fulbert.

For the main event, it’s got to be said that the water slides are well worth it – though be prepared to work for your 30 seconds or so of exhilaration.

Again it isn’t obvious for the first-timer exactly which inflatable is required for each piste – get it wrong and a barking tannoy announces your blunder to the amusement of others in line.

Four flights of stairs takes you to the lowest and easiest piste, a twisting slalom suitable for smaller children (prepare yourself to hear the demand “again” ad nauseum).

Higher runs (more stairs), featuring a couple of decidedly vertiginous drops, are designed to thrill the more discerning water-slider. And they do.

Nine, or was it ten times up 83 stairs carrying or rolling a cumbersome yellow three-person inflatable – this one resembled an unravelled condom – provides an unadvertised workout and it's clear that a good lunch is in order . . .

Or not . . . Aquaparc's main indoor dining attraction seems just a step up from McDonalds, or so I thought.

In fact the predominantly burger-based fast-food menu struggles to match that of the golden arches, a point driven home by flaccid frites and weightwatcher’s beef patty smothered in an overgrown jungle of taste-free shredded lettuce.

To be fair though, with drink, small desert and coffee thrown in, the 14.99-franc winter special tries to make up in quantity, what it lacks in quality.

Other items include re-cycled pasta, unadventurous salads and several half-hearted attempts at Caribbean cuisine.

One can't help thinking that there might be room for a more substantial restaurant, where parents – now that the kids are finally enjoying themselves – can unwind, order something a little more sophisticated and kick back with a bottle of wine for say, three or four hours.

Summer features a grill in the outdoor zone and, according to the website, a new Caribbean restaurant is scheduled for opening later this year.

After lunch (or before), there’s the indoor beach with wave-generator to enjoy, surrounded by a host of wooden recliners.

While Aquaparc has thoughtfully offered some free supervised day care (90 minutes maximum), the management hasn’t thought this one out properly.

Kids are provided with drawing implements . . . in an aquapark? I wasn’t hopeful, and predictably the prospect was utterly rejected in favour of another 14 times on the waterslides, dashing any hopes of a siesta.

All in all, Aquaparc's five-hour deal is probably sufficient. The all-day package, especially in the winter, is heading into the realms of overkill.

The experience was fairly pleasant and from an adult's perspective the facility is worth a one-time visit. More inportantly, the kids really enjoyed it and were fast asleep within five minutes of embarking on the return journey.

Opening hours.